Memories

Do you remember the moment that defined the rest of your existence? Maybe define isn't a good choice of word, after all many of us claim to 'redefine' ourselves through many different moments. Maybe I should say, do you remember the moment that changed the way you would live your life? I bet most of us can remember it, but never realized when it was happening that it would have so much power. The day my friend left me waiting alone in an empty place, was the day that I would start believing there were more important things in this life - than me.I have more to write, but honestly, it hurts. As I type the words I can feel my heart wrenching with the very remembrance of those memories. So this is going to be a process, because that's what therapy is right - tiny steps. You can push and push and push those memories so deep inside of yourself, that you think they've gone - disappeared - loosened their grip on your soul. One day you wake up and you are angry. Angry that the sun isn't shining, angry that the guy on the train has his music too loud, angry that there are too many people on the elevator, angry - angry - angry. And then they come, the memories. It's funny really, because I thought I was past all this. Apparently, I have some things to remember - before I let them go. This is post one, and the next day - they'll be another. Until they are gone, or hurt less. Until I stop letting those memories define me.

SepT 28,2005